iggle
by Exilo
Summary: The Christmas fic, dedicated to all my friends and family. Have a good year, all who read. And R&R please. Please! One shot. Ensemble.


**_Dedicated to my loved ones on this site. Going down the list; Darwin belongs to Insidious Harbinger, the Prophetess of Wrath belongs to Avisu, Azula belongs to AzureNight13, Jordan belongs to MrBojangles824, Iza belongs to Luke-1539, Priya belongs to Pae, Kazanna belongs to Starseeker347, and Exilius belongs to me. Merry Christmas, and to another good year._**

_iggle_

_a very special Christmas fic_

The flicker of orange marked Kazanna's presence, and a moment later she was projecting herself through the pedestal in Private Hudson's personal quarters.

"Darwin?" she asked.

Darwin had been polishing Tulip, his personal carbine, at the desk in the other side of the room. He spoke without looking up from his work. "Can't you knock?"

"If I had hands, I most certainly would. You have a message from Iza."

"I don't want to talk to the turkey."

Kazanna blinked. "But he wants to talk to you."

Darwing growled, looking up from Tulip. "Say you couldn't find me."

"But I did find you. If you are on this ship, I probably know where you are. What if it's something urgent? What if he's fallen and he can't get up?"

Darwin stared a moment. "Well, I didn't think of that." He sighed. "It's just going to be him telling me to go fuck myself, but if you'll leave sooner, play the message."

Kazanna's avatar blinked away, a moment later she was replaced by a Kig-Yar's image. At a foot tall and monochromatic orange, there was no way for Darwin to recognize it specifically at Iza, but he just assumed. The Kig-Yar image lifted its hand, and erected its middle finger to Darwin. A moment later, it blinked away, and Kazanna returned.

"That was urgent," Darwin said, taking up his helmet and returning it to his head.

"Well, he didn't _say_ fuck you. Where are you going?" she said, watching him put Tulip on his back, then head for the door.

"To the engine room. I would like to give my message in person."

Kazanna sighed, blinking away to go find someone to help. Thiswould not end well.

***

Maintenance was a daily routine for Gunnery Sergeant Jordan Curelski. That was one thing that hadn't changed at all. Not with the war, not with the ceasefire and the Elite's joining up, not with the new war, and not with the treaty. No, he always saw to it that he kept"Big Daddy", his personal Cyclops unit, safe and functioning, and day in and day out, he could be found in the hangar.

It was lunch time, so most everyone had left by now, save one Lieutenant Azula Broeland. She had been there when he had come, and yet stayed when everyone else left. She was wearing a tank-top and workout pants, and he had seen her using the working on a missile pod. At first he assumed she hadn't noticed him. He walked over and tapped her, passively asking for the wrench she was using. He wasn't well liked on the ship, even by other humans. He didn't fit into any of the cliques. He wasn't a marine really, and he wasn't ONI. And he certainly wasn't an alien, so he wasn't really anything. He expected her to take a look at him then leave. Instead, she just handed him the wrench.

Grumbling, he went to go work. He didn't much like the company, truth be told. He liked to do his work in private, not unlike when the Sangheili practiced their arcane swordsmanship behind closed doors. Several time, two had kicked in the door to the sparring area and kicked all of the "lesser" species out. Big Daddy was his energy sword, and this was his training.

The Cyclops had been with him for years. He had joined the war mostly because he didn't have any other prospects in life, and showed little aptitude in anyform of combat. Then, just by chance one day, he had been given the chance to pilot a Cyclops. And he found not only an aptitude, but a near prodigal ability to pilot the suit. Through everything, he had kept it, piloted it through the whole war, every chance he got modifying it. Aside from the heavier armor which made it nearly impervious to small arms fire, its most unique feature was the mining drill that replaced the standard jackhammer attachment.

First thing was first. Jordan set the wrench down, and instead began polishing the armored sheen to a near mirror. But there wasn't much to polish. He barely ever took the Cyclops out, and was just itching for a real fight like when he had fought the Covenant, not broke bread with them.

"You ever wonder why the Brutes don't wear clothes?" Jordan lifted his head and looked over his shoulder at Azula, who was now standing near him.

"Why are you thinking about naked Brutes?"

"Well…it's not like they have much to hide, but do they not have tailors or something? Unless that chieftain on board is in his armor, he putzs around in the buff."

"I don't know," Jordan said. "Gunnery Sergeant Curelski."

"Lieutenant Broeland," she said. "Nice to meet you…though I'm sure we've met before. Who knows anymore? This a real Cyclops? Haven't seen one in ages."

"Big Daddy," Jordan said, smiling wide. "Big Daddy, say hi." He took a bit of polish onto a finger tip, then rubbed it across the Cyclops' visor to form a mouth.

"Thought these were all decommissioned, something about too much put into 'em, and not enough put out."

"No. Not Big Daddy. Big Daddy gives it his all. I've been keeping him alive all these years."

"But there had to be a reason why they were discontinued. Really, can this thing even move right? I would figure the little ones would just dance around, and the big ones would beat the crap out of it. Must suck, being this big and slow, yet not having the power of the Brutes or the Elites. I reckon the chieftain could overwhelm it."

Very slow, Jordan rose, taking the magnum off his belt and putting it under Azula's chin. "What did you say about my mech, fucker?"

Azula looked down to the gun under her jaw, growling under her breath. "If you are going to threaten someone, you should really take the safety off," she muttered, lifting her knee into Jordan's groin. He gave a loud yelp like a fixed puppy, falling to his knees, and holding his crotch. The pistol tumbled somewhere out of reach.

One of the hologram projectors near them flickered to life with a flash of orange, and a moment later Kazanna was there. "Gunny, lieutenant, I need your…What the hell happened?"

The lieutenant looked to the sergeant. "Don't know ma'am, he just bent over like that."

Kazanna cringed and nodded. "Uhm…gunny, I'm afraid that Iza and Darwin are at it again. I was wondering if you could aid them. Azula," Kazanna said, looking to the marine. "You might help, too? You could talk down Darwin ,I hope."

Jordan stood, rising slowly, one hand still firmly protecting his groin. "Kill…you…" he snarled, before reaching for Azula, who backed away just out of his grip. She muttered an obscenity before turning and starting to leave the hangar. Kazanna shook her head. "Jordan, don't…" she muttered, but he was already climbing into his Cyclops. Kazanna, with a heave of her shoulders, zipped away, now needing someone to stop two fights.

***

Priya giggled, mandibles splayed a bit as she slurped some excess drool down her throat. "So…I'm gut shot, so the chieftain goes out to secure my ship. And I'm just sitting there in the cockpit, when I hear this loud boom." She slurped again, wobbling a bit in her chair. "So I pilot the ship over, and see my ship blown up, and the chieftain lying on the ground in the snow. I go over and pick him up, and bring him up into the ship."

The Sangheili panted, looking down at the bottle a bit hazily. "I manage to get his armor off, and there's all these cuts and gashes. So I start rubbing these healing salves into his fur. And while I'm doing it, I notice this…pungent smell in the air." She giggled. "Turns out Exilius loves belly rubs."

Wrath, who sat across from the Sangheili, gave a raise of her brow, then a soft smile. "Oh? I've never tried with him."

Priya smiled, looking down at the bottle of spirit she was holding. "Did I drink this whole thing?"

Wrath nodded. For once, she wasn't the giggly one. With Exilius' absence, he has asked Priya to keep guard of _his_ San 'Shyuum. He had told Wrath not to get drunk, made her pledge, but got no such pledge from Priya, who seemed to have taken quite an interest in a drink the humans had served her. This being one of the few "multi-species" ships, there was a stock of alien food along with the human cuisine. The problem was that the human assumed anything alien was for any of the aliens, so Priya's virgin system was now trying to deal with the strongest Jiralhanae brew that could be had.

"I'm really hot," Priya said, cringing. "Really, boiling up…"

Wrath looked over her robes. "I'm fine. And the marines seem fine." She looked around. There were such stares from the marines, wide eyes and slack jaws. For about a month now, they had been, but the stares still came. Odd really, but understandable. And the humans never tried anything with her, most likely because if anyone did, they knew they would earn Exilius' wrath.

"No…no, I'm hot," Priya said, opening her eyes wide. She stood suddenly, and began tearing at her armor.

It was at this time that the center of the table Wrath and Priya were seated at glowed orange, and Kazanna, hands on hips and heel tapping, appeared. "For fuck's sake!" she shouted, lifting her arms in defeat. A moment later, she had blinked away.

***

Exercise was a daily routine for Chieftain Exilius. That was one thing that hadn't changed at all. Actually, human and Jiralhanae exercise machines were fairly similar: large creations with simple pullies and levers, or dead weights for lifting. Holiday or leave, or whatever the present situation could be called, Exilius always made time to keep his build strong and firm.

Usually, he was alone. The crew was mixed, yes, but the majority of them were Sangheili. Then humans, then the other species, who only had one or two representatives. When Exilius entered the weight training area for his daily workout, humans practically clawed over each other to get out of the same room as the chieftain. He never had a problem with Sangheili. Sangheili never trained in public. Their swordsmanship were was too arcane and sacred for any to see in passing. So Exilius usually enjoyed the area for himself.

One of the hologram projectors flickered to life with a flash of orange, and a moment later Kazanna was there, head held in hands and hair down her face. "Chieftain, please tell me you aren't drunk, nude, stripping, hit in the balls, or fighting?"

Exilius snorted, continuing his bicep curls. Technically he was nude.

"Who do you want to tackle first? Naked Priya, Darwin bird hunting, or a pissed offCyclops?"

Exilius snorted again, and setting the weights down, headed out the door of the training area. He took note of the scratches ringing through the hallway, and kept just inside the threshold, somewhat hidden. When the scratching grew louder, he reached out his hand, and caught Iza as he scurried by. Exilius lifted him up this chest and held him. Iza struggled and fought, mistaking this as some sort of attack, but after a whiff of fur he settled down. Exilius looked down the hall to see Darwin, carrying his carbine. He gave a low snort, bringing the human to a stop a few feet from him.

Exilius sighed. "Iza, you shouldn't have done what you did to Darwin. We are an interspecies crew. Get over this little feud you two have. And Darwin, it was just an innocent joke, you don't need to get so huffy about it. Remember when you put bleach in my shampoo? Did I chase you around the ship? Now, I have to go settle other matters. I would love to send you both back to your room, but I can't trust you, so you two are coming with me."

The Kig-Yar growled and hissed, but didn't try to escape the thick grip of the Jiralhanae. He had gotten rather used to be carried around by the furry titan, and didn't completely mind it. Besides, as long as he waswith the Jiralhanae, he wouldn't have to worry about Darwin. Scooting up over Exilius' chest, and resting his chin on the chieftain's thick shoulders. He flicked out his tongue, making a common mocking gesture he had seen humans do, before twisting and sitting back in the chieftain's grip.

"Uhm…Thank you," he said, settling in the thick hold.

Exilius snorted. He looked over his shoulder at the human, who grumbled and set his carbine on his back, before following after. Exilius turned and started walking, taking guidance from Kazanna in the speakers as where to go next. He strolled into the mess hall, stepping aside in the threshold as several marines clawed their way out. He could vaguely hear singing.

Walking in, he set Iza down, and sighed, watching Priya, now completely nude, standing on one of the tables. "Darwin, take three steps to your left," he said softly.

Darwin looked to him with a scowl beneath his mask, until an empty bottle of spirits flew through the air, finally making contact with Darwin's groin. Darwin tumbled forward, howling and holding his crotch, then rolled onto his back, legs and arms flailing in the air. Exilius sighed, tempted to say "told you so", but Darwin was certainly in enough pain already.

"Exi," Wrath said, coming over. "I…I'm not sure what to do."

Exilius handed her Iza. She giggled, as did he, as she cradled him like a baby in her long arms. "Tend to Darwin, make sure they don't kill each other," Exilius growled, now heading towards the drunk and stripped Sangheili. Her back was to him for most of the time, but when he drew closer, she turned and squatted down, eye level, and smiled, happy to see him. The easiest thing to do would be to punch her across the jaw, probably break all four of her mandibles and give her a concussion. Instead, he reached up, taking her under the arms and lifting her up, then settling her in his arms and taking her like a baby. He gently held her in his bare arms, to his bare chest. Her eyes were wide a moment, before she more or less passed out.

Exilius walked to a table closer to Wrath, Iza, and Darwin, and set Priya down. "Make sure she sleeps on her side," he muttered, and headed out at Kazanna's insistence, leaving the others alone. Wrath looked to Darwin, then to Iza. She set the Kig-Yar down on a stool, before sitting beside him. "So, would you like to play a game?" Both males gave passive shrugs, leading Wrath to continue. "So…there is a gun to your head, and you have to make love to a male of an alien species. Who do you do?"

Darwin, again, gave a passive shrug. "I don't care."

"Oh come on. Don't be such a baby. Pick one."

Darwin huffed. "I'm not gay, nor do I have a woody for aliens. I won't care. So I would just do whatever."

Wrath grumbled, and turned to Iza. "You?"

"The Arbiter, hands down," he squawked. "I was on High Charity to see his branding, and just…damn. I've never seen such a body."

Darwin paused. "You know, I would say the Arbiter too…"

***

Last up, he had to find the "Cyclops", which meant that sergeant whose name he couldn't remember. Exilius didn't know that human too well, but knew of him because he was the one who piloted that machine; a cruel parody of Jiralhanae as far as Exilius was concerned though he never said that. Kazanna, who was growing more and more worried by the cracking in her voice, lead him to the hangar.

As he approached, rather than a sound of singing as had happened with Priya, he heard sounds reminiscent of the battlefield. Rather loud explosions, shouts, pounding of metal on metal, which grew louder as he stepped through the threshold and into the hangar to see the Cyclops unit smashing against the belly of a Covenant drop ship. The drop ship was on its side, which was quite amusing to Exilius. He assumed that the Cyclops had broken the legs then pushed it over, which would have taken an impressive degree of strength. Exilius shook his head and approached. How he wished the good old days, when he could just brain any insubordinate ones. He had killed a dozen or so Unggoy and Kig-Yar, and even a Sangheili minor once but he had seen that that had been covered up well. But now, he couldn't kill the humans who misbehaved, especially this one since was somewhat well known.

Instead, when in range, he tapped the Cyclops' shoulder, making a loud banging noise as armored finger touched armored shoulder. The Cyclops spun, but Exilius stopped the thick armored arm by lifting his own. A painful shock ran up his arm, but he gritted his teeth, not wanting to show it.

"Kazanna wants me to stop you," he said lowly.

"Fuck off, Kong."

Exilius growled, before pulling his fist back and then swinging, smashing into the blindside of the Cyclops. The Cyclops stumbled forward, before twisting, and charging forward. _Well_, Exilius thought, lifting his arms to parry the first punch. The Cyclops' pilot must have accepted the same no-killing rule, since he refrained from using the fatal drill. _Stopped _that_ fight at least._

***

They cycle was over by the time Exilius, bruised, battered, and bloodied, stumbled into his personal quarters. He set his hammer down on the table, before beginning to peel off his armor, crusty and sticky from the spilled blood. By the time Kazanna had released a sleeping gas to end the fights, more or less the entire crew was involved. Species loyalty, or dislike, or just the desire to fight, they were all clawing and fighting in a great melee. Several people were hurt, and at first count there were four casualties: three marines and one Sangheili. Exilius pulled off his helmet and let it fall to the ground. It was bent and smashed into pieces from repeated punches from that Cyclops. He cracked his neck, working out one or two kinks.

At the door, there was a knock. His hammer was still a bit out of range, so instead he just drew his Spiker and waited for the door to open. Relieved, he saw Priya, now wearing at least her skinsuit, came walking in, rubbing her head tenderly. "Well…how was your day?" she asked.

When Exilius first learned of the treaty, he had been disgusted. That they would be breaking bread, not just with the human vermin, but the Sangheili. Oh, he had never minded Priya, but Priya was far from a normal Sangheili. As time went on, he had grown not to mind the crew, and even started to like them. At the very least, a night like tonight wasn't boring. Exilius smiled. "All and all, pretty good."


End file.
